Biography of Lisa Connell

I was born on 11th April 1979 at the UCH Hospital in London.

My parents separated when I was a baby and I was brought up in Camden Town until the age of three by my father who juggled work and college to look after me. We lived with my Irish grandparents in a 3 bedroom flat just off of Kentish Town Road. I moved back with my mum at the age of 3 where I lived until the age of 13.

Both my father and mother (John & Angela) moved on in their  relationships. John met Zoe and Angela met Ricky and they have both since married and had other children.

I went to Rhyl Street Primary School and Camden School for Girls until I was 13.

My upbringing was what any normal child from with separated parents would have experienced. Nothing out of the ordinary, in fact probably better than most, as I knew that although they didn't get along my mother and father both loved me very much and I grew up with a large network of caring aunts, uncles' cousins and grandparents.

However, at the age of 12 I was to experience something that would change my life forever. Without going into too much detail I had stayed round one of my friend's houses for a sleepover and during this night was abused by my friend's father.

He lived in Queens Crescent, Chalk Farm which was just around the corner from where I lived with my mum. I often bumped into him. Scared and speechless my mother tried to guard me from him and always made sure that the people around knew who he was. I remember on one encounter a market stall holder was throwing cabbages at him.

I was dragged through court after court bringing this man to justice. But justice was never met. Bobby then known to be involved with the triads was let off with a fine of £200 and a six month suspended sentence.

Dad had a house in Bath; we used to go there at weekends to do it up. After that traumatic event I changed significantly as a person. I turned into a nasty, spiteful teenager. Mum and I would fight all the time she used to try and restrain me and on occasion slap me round the face to try and control me. I would punch and kick her even try to pull her hair out. It was becoming a regular occurrence. I was uncontrollable. I ran away several times to my dad's and of course being a 13 year old with an attitude I had a tendency to lie too. I even went so far as telling my dad that mum was beating me. The police came in the end and took me away from her because of this. One of my dads friends was called and picked me up I was not allowed to see either of my parents until the whole thing was investigated. I lived with Bridget in Muswell hill for about 2 weeks still pursuing the fact that mum was beating me. In the end mum gave up on me and finally gave up the fight to keep custody of me and sent me off to my dad's. That's when we moved to Bath.

Dad put me in a school up there and at first everything seemed to calm down. It was a mixed school so of course I was into the boys. Dad lived with Zoe and had done since I was a child. It was when my dad was offered a job to work in the Isle of Wight that things started to go terribly wrong.

Dad would work away during the week and come home weekends. Looking back on things now, Dad and Zoe both did a really great job of bringing me up. I was always helped with my home work. Taken out, and allowed to go out and stay with friends. I always had the latest things even though they were second hand.

I spent a lot of my weekends riding my bike along the River Avon meeting people on the way. I had piano lessons, trampoline classes and swimming once a week. So, to be honest my time with them was really very good. It was when dad went away to work that I started to rebel.

I remember one night sitting in the living room doing my home work with Zoe and dad walked in from work at the moment I was throwing a tantrum. I had thrown all my school books at Zoe they hit her in her face. It was all because I couldn't understand a mathematical question and she was trying to explain but I just would not listen. Looking back now and realising why I was like that was all to do with people taking control. Zoe was taking control of a situation by explaining something to me, where I wasn't listening and winding myself up I lost control of myself.

So that was how it started again with the tantrums and physical behaviour. I ended up taking a huge overdose and was in hospital for a few weeks, another cry for help! My parents took me in to see a counsellor and even with my counsellor I was out of control. I was a teenager, Id had a troubled past and no one was going to help me. I soon stopped going.

Zoe became pregnant and for me that was it. My life at the time felt like it was over. My dad was not around all the time and all of a sudden there was a baby on the scene grabbing all the attention. I didn't handle it very well at all. In the end Zoe sat me and my dad down in the living room and said that it was either her or me. Dad had to make the choice, and I couldn't let him. I loved him and knew what I was doing but couldn't control myself. I didn't want to ruin his life with Zoe any more. So I left.

I was still in school at the time that I left and was just about to do my GCSE's. I went and saw a social worker and he put me in a bed-sit at the other end of town. I got several government grants to see me through and when I finally left school I got a job as a receptionist with one days study leave to college. That's where I managed to get my NVQ Level 2 in Business Studies. I had always been a bright person but never really utilised my abilities in class.

I had moved from the bed-sit into a B&B. The B&B was a nice one, my friend from school parents ran it so I felt comfortable there. Mum would come and stay with me as often as she could and my dad was always around visiting. I'd fallen out with Zoe (my step mum) and didn't have anything to do with her side of the family for almost five years.

I was in the B&B for about 3 months then I was offered a flat. It was a really nice flat not decorated too well; well it probably was for its time. I went from job to job not finding anything that I could really get my teeth into. I ended up jobless and signing on at the age of 16.

I was going out all the time, I had no money and was doing a bar job cash in hand in the evenings.

In 1997 at the age of 17 I left Bath to move back to London. It was a last minute decision. I literally moved within a space of a weekend. One minute I was there the next I was gone. This was to be one of the other ordeals I have had to face as a person in my lifetime. I had been raped not just one occasion and not just by one person. They found me again and intruded in on my home. I had to leave I was terrified. I never did go to the police about it, after all what justice did the guy get before when I was molested?! I just wanted out, and wanted to be back with my family.

I packed up a huge bag and left for London that same week. I went straight to my mums in Hampstead where she was staying at the time. I was in a state and not making much sense. My mum couldn't understand what was wrong with me and I never told her. I tried to keep myself together as best as I could and just told her that I was missing home and wanted to be back with her.

On the Saturday I went to Oxford Street and walked around all the shops looking for a job. I was offered one straight away working for Oasis in Regent Street. The job was set to start on the Monday. My mum and my step dad Ricky came back with me to Bath to collect the rest of my belongings. I had to leave the majority of my household things there, washing machine, and bed etc. I handed the keys in and that was the last I saw of that flat.

6 Months later I was slowing getting back into the swing of things the job was going well I'd made a few new friends. Life seemed to be improving.

But really they weren't. I had learned this new skill. The skill was to bottle everything up to the point of breaking. Before I used to let it out with aggression, this time I was taking overdoses and black outs without even knowing. Before I knew it I was back in hospital. Mum had admitted me after she found me passing out after having taken a whole packet of paracetamol. I was admitted to Nicole Ward at the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead. I'm not sure how long I was there because that whole phase of my life was a black out. All I remember is being in a bed next to really nutty people who would swing from side to side screaming out stuff in the middle of the night. The doctors put me on Prozac that anti depressant drug along with some really strong injections which were to stop me from harming myself. Soon as the Prozac started working I was out. I had, had a nervous breakdown and I was only 17.

I know it all sound so very surreal as if it can't be true but really this all did happen to me.

So that is how my life began. I went through hell. To say that that has made me the person I am today would be very true. But I hadn't seen the last of it.

Since moving back to London in 1997 I became my own person and the real me started to come through. I have learnt so much in my lifetime and I do have regrets but I'm honest and able to admit to them now. I put my family and friends through hell. I know that seeing me today and knowing what I went through as a child that they understand. I think like my dad they are just grateful that I came out the other end a better person.

Apart from my horrific past by later years were spent working in the Property Management sector. I had worked within property management for about 7-8 years becoming very successful in what I do. I made companies lots of money through project management and problem solving.

I have some very good friends around me and always go on holiday 2-3 times a year. My relationships were always up and down or on and off. I have only every had one really serious relationship which lasted 7 years but he wasn't right for me. He was my soul mate and I loved him dearly but we wanted different things and he wasn't one to settle. I am still searching for Mr Right and not Mr Right now, having a tumour just makes it that little bit harder.

I left work in June 2005. Having just got myself out of financial debt  I decided it was time for me to travel and experience things I could only dream of. I left and moved to Thailand.

This was meant to be a permanent move. However I stayed for 9 months. Thailand is not a place to be on your own as a single girl. Although the settings are idyllic they are far from safe.

I moved back home in November 2005. It wasn't safe for me I had gone there with everything and yet came back with nothing.

The rest of my story has already been told through newspaper articles and/or magazines.

I guess the reason why I have gone into so much detail here is because I need people to know that I am a normal human being and although things may seen rosy on the outside they are not always as they seem.

I am just like everybody else out there. I'm not perfect but I don't claim to be either. I do believe that I am a much better person today then I ever have been. What doesn't break you makes you stronger.

Since finding out about my tumour my life has changed drastically. I now have a purpose. Its funny how something so tragic can turn your life around.

Death doesn't scare me. What scares me is how others will handle my death such as my friends and family. My family don't like to talk about the fact that I could die anytime. Instead we keep positive. I am a fighter and I will not let something like a Brain Tumour ruin me. No way not after all that I have been through this is not the way I want to go out.

The key to me getting fit and well again was keeping fit and eating healthy. If there is anything I could give back to other Brain tumour Sufferers it would be to say that a positive mind gives a positive outset. Don't just sit back and wait to die do something about it?

I intend to live my life as fully as possible and for as long as possible. Yes, it is scary not knowing how long I really do have to live but that's something I will just have to live with.

As a person being told you are going to die is probably scarier than actually dying itself. But on the other hand it's also a wakeup call. So yes I have been blunt I've told friends who are not really friends to sling their hook and I always say how I feel without beating around the bush. But if life is to be short you have to weigh up the odds. Why pretend to be someone that you're happy with something if actually you're not? Why do something if you don't want to do it? If everyone thought like this then the world would be a better place. No more lies no more cheating just straight down the line honest people.

I am not religious but I am a great believer that something or someone is watching over me. I believe that I was born to have this path. Although I have had some trying times I've pulled through it all and I am still here today. Hopefully making a difference. If I can help just one person in my life time then I will so happy but if I can help more than one person by creating awareness and funding for a very worthy cause then may life would have been worth living.

Comments

[Ross]

Dear Lisa
I have read your story and did see you on LK today a few days ago and read your story on here and i can see that you are a gr8 inspiration to us all. Seeing you on LK Today help me as i was waiting for results of my MRI Scan and it changed the way i felt about getting my results back it made me see that it did not have to be the end but im glad that so far i dont have a brain tumour but have to go back for another check up as i find it hard to remember thing, find it hard to see at time and a few other problems and im only just 22 years old and the doctors at the nhs dont have clue what it is so im hoping its going to turn out to be something simple but i now understand how hard it is for people to go throw things like that and it has changed the way i look at life.

I will spread the word about the site and i know my dad is doing and has done quite a bit for chairty so i will talk to him see if he can sort anything out.

[M]

Lisa

We were born in the same year and lots of the stuff that happened to you also happened to me as a kid. It was so hard for me, keeping these dark secrets. And I was a nightmare teenager and put my parents through hell too - but it made me who I am today, as with you.

I lost my mother to a brain tumour two years ago so your story is very close to my heart. I'll forward this website to people I know and hopefully get people involved with your project.

Stay beautiful

M

[Becki]

Lisa,
Its so sad reading what you've been through, your such a fighter and i think the world of you. Just proves that your a real inspiration to us all.
Keep smiling.
Love Becki.xxxx